TIME LAUGHS

 

TIME

Time is rich and full

possessing intervals of adventure

in the squashed space cradled

between demands of the earth’s state of affairs

 

previous —

memories of childhood linger in fairytales of realness

presently —

time laughs in the face of my accumulating years

 

I now choose ever so mindfully

my collection of thrills

of moments wrapped in the universe’s jest

that nibble at my brain’s intervening patterns 

creating velvety, supple synapses

to span the seasons on this cosmic journey

 

photo by me

REMAINING MOMENTS OF GRACE

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There is a friend we all have in common

One who is a constant reminder to love

Sadly many are too scared or have forgotten

and try to give our dear friend a shove

 

Our friend remains silently beside us

Always only a breath from our sooth

Whispering words of wisdom and thus

To live life with wonder and truth

 

If you can open your heart to our teacher

Lessons of life you will tenderly embrace

The mystery will then become the feature

How will you live your remaining moments of grace?

 

 

Daily word prompt wonder

HASTILY DEPARTED

fern&moss

the wind comes suddenly

like a dragon’s breath

the trees creak in protest

sword ferns sway in combat 

the raven cries a warning

the wrens join the chorus

 

with an inhale, the dragon retreats

the wind only a whisper

like the wings of an angel

the chorus becomes a eulogy

 

the big cat, freshly preened

purrs a hymn of gratitude

 

the elk lay still

rivulets of life force

bleed upon his mossy grave 

 

the vanilla leaves droop in mourning

the bleeding hearts weep

the fawn lilies bow their heads in sorrow

 

the sun’s last rays illuminate

his spirit hastily departed

 

Poem # 28 for Poetry Month

daily prompt rivulet 

 

 

 

 

 

CAMBODIA A PLACE OF HOPE, FORGIVENESS AND HEALING HEARTS

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We are reflections of our past and our future

I went into Cambodia with no expectations. All I knew for sure is that it remains one of the world’s poorest countries, that is was still recovering from a cultural genocide and it was home to the world’s largest religious complex.

What I witnessed was a culture of people who greet you with smiles and grace. Who are resilient and beautiful. People who despite the inequality and poverty that still exists, find faith in their culture and religions. People who have lost entire generations to genocide, remain strong and compassionate. That in their sorrow they have found the capacity to forgive. An environment that shines brilliantly green with fields of rice and other crops. Of fruit trees that are ripe with the taste of sweetness. Temples and ancient trees coexisting, each the skeleton of the other. I witnessed thousands of individuals from every race and religion, gathering in peace and solidarity at a place of worship that has existed for 900 years. I always heard the laughter of children wherever I went. A country where monks of every age tread lightly on earth with grace. Shrines can be found everywhere, as a sacred place to focus the mind and to promote gratitude. Others honoured the ancestors that have passed with offerings of flowers, water, food and incense. A country of citizens who believe in truth. A country of healing hearts that hold forgiveness and compassion tenderly.

Everywhere in the country I would meet men and women selling their wares. Be it a remarque driver wanting to tour you around his city or another selling pineapple. Persistent but always with a great sense of humour. Truth is, many needed those sales to supplement their income so they could perhaps send their children to school.

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Our guide having a nap while we toured the temples. Cambodians have hammocks on hand everywhere.

Then there were the children. Always trying to sell postcards or bamboo flutes. They really pulled on my heart strings. They should be in school. Purchasing their wares would only encourage them to stay out of school. Sadly though, the public education system is said to be corrupt and poorly funded leaving the future generation with little in the way of education. All intellectuals in Cambodia were killed during the genocide, which would play a large role into the poor education system of today. There are many NGOs working hard to educate Cambodia’s youth. Some are succeeding, such as Phare Ponleu Selpak. An NGO that is making a difference in the lives of many youth and their families. If the circus is any indication of their successes, this organization is made of passion and love. Check them out here .

 

Siem Riep was bustling with tourists from everywhere. All drawn here by the Angkor Wat, a Wonder of the World. This temple complex was breathtaking in its scale. At one time home to a million people while London had a population of only 50,000. To walk among these ruins and those of many other temples was a privilege.

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Angkor Wat. A World Wonder and the largest religious complex in the world. Was built in the 13th century as a Hindu temple and is still being used as a Buddhist Temple today.
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Shea in the library of the Angkor complex with the Wat in the background.

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This area truly is the world’s largest hands on museum. I was just as thrilled as my boys to wander all the dark passageways and pretend I was a character in the “Temple of Doom.” So much history collided here and it leaves you with a grand imagination.

Photos from Ta Prohm, Bayon and Phrea Khan

I woke early one morning to join the other thousand of tourists to watch the sun rise over Angkor Wat. As I sat and gazed at the brilliance of the stars and listened to the quiet hum of early morning chatter in many different dialects, I felt a spiritual sense of peace. So many people from so many backgrounds coming together in awe and wonder. If anything, travel and tourism promotes diversity and peace.

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“The truth is one, though the sages know it as many, God is one, though different religions approach Him differently. Call Him Shiava, Vishnu, Allah, Jesus or any other form of God that you believe in. Our paths may be different. Our destination the same.” Amish Tirpathi

 

Cambodia has been occupied and ravaged with unrest for centuries. The Cambodian Genocide of 1975 to 1979 was the peak of brutality. Pol Pot and his Communist Khmer Rouge Army killed 1.7 million fellow Cambodians. This remains more of a reality than a distant memory. Pol Pot’s twisted mind wanted to create an agrarian communist society. A culture based on farming. He mentally manipulated the minds of young peasant teenagers into believing that anyone who is not of an agriculture background was not worthy. Wearing glasses or having soft hands “proved” you were an intellect and you were murdered. There was an evacuation of all cities to the countryside throughout Cambodia. Even the peasants that survived his reign were put into forced labour under horrendous conditions. Many died of starvation and disease. If any army official disobeyed they were put to death. A choice of killing or be killed. Cambodians are people who are still reflecting and trying to understand what occurred only 40 years ago. Generations were nearly wiped out.

We visited museums and shrines that so harrowingly remind us of the massacre that occurred here. The Killing Fields, 300 total in Cambodia, are now places of remembrance. A place for locals and travellers alike to learn of the atrocities. So those who perished are not forgotten. So we can strive for peace by honouring the past.

The cure for pain is in the pain.

                                                    Rumi

Just outside of Battambang Rowen and I visited Phnom Sampeau. A hillside standing tall and independent around fields of rice. We stood at the entrance of the Killing Caves where so many men, woman, and children were beaten then thrown to their deaths. Inside the cave, amoungst the shrines of skulls and at Buddha statues, incense cleanses the senses and many children play while the monks walk with quiet dignity. The past horrors rattles one spirit, yet the children and the monks balance this with compassion and acceptance. A sense of harmony pervades now.

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One of the many Buddhist Shrines that are now found in the caves.

“Judge nothing, you will be happy. Forgive everything, you will be happier.

Love everything, you will be happiest.”

             Buddha

In Phom Phen’s Choeung Ek Genocidal Center, tears of sadness fall from my very soul. As I stood beside the killing tree, a place of unimaginable horrors, my thoughts were only of the immense fear and grief only a parent could understand. The remains of the 20,000 killed here are still being recovered. There is the Memorial Stupa that holds the skulls of 14,000. A somber site to behold. Yet, as I walk these grounds I again hear children laughing and playing from the adjacent streets. I see Cambodians themselves remembering and honouring. A sense of forgiveness and hope is heard in the children’s chatter and the beauty of the songbirds as their chorus echoes across the pond.

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Mass grave with offerings left by the many Cambodians who have come to honor their ancestors.
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A pond adjacent to the killing fields brings serenity to a place once filled of nightmares.

When I stood with my children in the Tuol Sleng Museum, a school turned into a prison and place of torture for 12,000 men, women and children, I let my tears fall. I find it hard to even begin to understand what happened here. Photo after photo of so many haunted faces, babies in Mothers’ arms, and children years away from embracing any sense of responsibility. These memories were captured by the Khmer Rouge to identify everyone they would kill. To ensure that the “roots of all generations” were eliminated to creat a pure agrarian society.

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Tuol Sleng Museum. School room turned into prison cells.

My children walked through both these places of immense sorrow with me. They viewed the mass graves, the clothes and bones of so many victims that continue to expose themselves with every heavy rain. We previously discussed the genocide openly with our boys before we visited these two museums. What we might see, read and hear. It was a difficult decision as our youngest did not want to go. The thought of seeing human bones scared him. We spoke of how this story is just as important as the Holocaust. That all the sad stories of war need to be heard so we remember. He did not have to see the human remains if he did not want to.

We listened to the audio guide and/or viewed the next exhibit prior to our children to determine which were appropriate for their ears and young minds. I could not bring myself to listen to all as well. Some stories and photos were too horrific for even myself to absorb.  I understood my child’s hesitation. I also struggle with the raw visual exposure of war museums. However, our past is made from beauty and from madness. Both deserve recognition to try and create a brighter future. Shea did view the many skulls stacked a top one another. There were no nightmares, only questions.

Forgiveness sees wisely. It willingly acknowledges what is unjust, harmful and wrong. It bravely recognizes sufferings of the past, and understands the conditions that brought them about. Forgiveness honours the heart’s greatest dignity. Whenever we are lost, it brings us back to the ground of love. Without forgiveness our lives are chained, forced to carry the sufferings of the past and repeat them with no release.                    Jack Kornfield

We hired a guide at Tuol Sleng Museum who was passionate to share his country’s story of truth. It was just last week that he interviewed one of the female Vietnamese Army Officials who first arrived to Tuol Sleng when Pol Pot was defeated. Her story must be told as it is critical to remind the world of all of the horrors of war. The unimaginable evil that can permeate minds, causing corruption, hate and death. It is only with honouring the truth and remembering the many who perished, that we can find hope and forgiveness.  To read more click here.

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Vietnamese Army and the four children they rescued at Tuol Sleng Prison. The woman, second from the left, was interviewed January 2018.

I held my youngest’s hand as he stood and witnessed the sorrow and pain. He tells me after he has walked through most of both the museums, that he has seen enough.

He asks, “Why? How can people be so mean?”

We all ask why?

How could such hatred happen? How can we let such tragedies continue? Have we not learnt anything from our past haunts? The Holocaust, Ukraine, Rwanda, the North American Aboriginals, and most recently, the Royhinga in Mynamar. How can we as individuals promote peace? How can we help those who are the target of such hate?

Socio-economic inequality, poverty and lack of education can all too easily feed a governments campaign of hate. It is our duty to vote for governments that encourage equality, diversity, education, and adequate health care. We must invest only in corporations that protect human rights in developing countries. It is the corporations and governments that do not care about human rights that also may be funding, directly and indirectly, the very regimes that promote hate. Education is critical to promote peace. We must listen and honor the truths that have been and yet to be told. We must find room in our hearts for forgiveness. We also must assist those who are in less fortunate circumstances. At home and abroad.

As I watch the Cambodian students, in their crisp blue and white uniforms, walk through the Tuol Sleng Genocide Museum, where their ancestors once walked as students themselves; I feel a sense of hope. There are some support groups that are making a difference. See here.  I believe that their Buddhist faith brings them comfort as well. These horrors are very much a part of who they are; they lost entire generations yet they still embrace life with smiles and laughter. They continue to remember and heal.

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Tuol Sleng Museum with school children in the background. They come here to learn a horrific but integral part of their history.

There are still Khmer Rouge Officials who are incarcerated, being convicted as recently as 2012. The courts still have yet to determine the fate of others who have been charged with acts against humanity. Pol Pot died in 1998 and was never held accountable for his spread of hatred and murder.

Our guide is not troubled by these facts. He stated with a sense of resolve, “the outcomes of these courts don’t matter, what matters is that these memories are not lost, we have to uncover and share the truth. To remember. So it will never happen again.” The people of Cambodia hold the pain and suffering with gracious hearts to find forgiveness and release.

The future of Cambodia is uncertain as there is still an unsettling energy with the present government. Human rights still remain a concern. Cambodia is still recovering and in transition. Hope for peace and equality can be found in the dreams and aspirations of the youth. As well as in their faith. Yet, no developing country can do it alone. They need assistance from outside forces that believe in human rights. Even small ventures are making a difference. Such as Sister Srey  in Seim Riep or the Lonely Tree Cafe in Battambang. There are the larger enterprises as well such as the Asia Foundation. Foreign investment within the larger businesses has risen by 800% in the last ten years. Read more here. Lets hope these companies and individuals are considering sustainable investing and protecting the rights of Cambodians and their environment??

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Chum Mey with my boys. He sits almost daily within these old prison walls to share his story and promote peace.

Chum Mey is one of the only handful of survivors of Tuol Sleng Prison. He lost four children and his wife, all murdered by the Khmer Rouge. He shows such incredible courage as he sits a stones throw from the very cell where he was kept and tortured for three years. He sits here most days that the Tuol Sleng Museum is open, to share his story and promote peace. A place where they tried, but never broke his spirit. It is in his smile and the laughter and smiles of the many Cambodian children, that I feel an essense of hope. Hope for individuals and for a country that is still remembering and healing. Hope for peace and equality.

The rest of the world could gain much by honouring Cambodia and their story. Of how they are finding forgiveness in their immense sorrow, and hope in their truths.

We are all citizens of earth. We need to cherish ourselves, one another and all that inhabit this world. Promote peace in all that you do. It’s ripple effect will create change. Encouraging a brighter future for all.

A society cannot know itself if it does not have

an accurate memory of its own history.

                           Youk Chhang   Survivor of the Cambodian Genocide

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WITH LOVE

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We are now sitting in the Vancouver airport waiting for our flight to London. Boys are bursting with excitement. I have those butterflies that often come with being in an airport.
It was a busy week getting our lives packed into 4 carry on backpacks. Sadly the monkey was having a dance party causing a few nights of lost sleep. But she is quiet now we are more than ready for our journey.
The only niggling feeling I have is for my folks. I shed a few tears after they dropped us off at the ferries the other day. They have health issues that often accompany those who enter into their 80s. They are doing quite well and aging with grace. There is however, always the possibility of the unexpected. The years have added up for them and every day is a gift.

This one is for you Mom and Dad.

THANK YOU FOR EVERYTHING.

I would not be where I am today if it were not for you. Your love and encouragement has been unconditional. We have not always agreed on things and at times the road was rocky. But your love never wavered. I may not have always listened, but I was always watching. Thank you for being great role models.

Thank you for always believing in me.

It is said that one can not truly understand a parents’ love until you become one youself. Having children of my own, only now can I know how a heart can be transformed. At times the love is so intense that I feel like my heart will burst.

Having the responsibility of nurturing my own children I can appreciate just how difficult this can be. Raising children to be a productive member of society is no easy thing. Many times I wonder if I am polluting their minds more than I am promoting growth and independence?

I tested my Mom and Dad on numerous occasion. I can only hope that my own children will not give me as many grey hair as myself and my brothers caused for our parents. Yes brothers, I will not take blame for all Mom and Dad’s grey hair or lack there of. Remember, you were my role models growing up ;o)

Last time I was in Europe was in 1991. I was on a 6 month trip with a girlfriend. She left to go back home after 2 months and I kept travelling. Due to some unexpected events and lack of easily available communication (there was no internet and at times, no phone lines too), my folks became concerned and thought something adverse had happened. I had just arrived in Budapest after being in the mountains of former Yugoslavia and I had this strong urge to phone my folks. I contacted them just hours before my Father and brother were about to board a plane to Paris. Coincidently they had Interpol looking for me as well. A scary time for my folks.

They worried then, and they worry now. It is part of being a parent. As soon as you have children your heart is now forever walking outside of your body.

Mom and Dad, keep your worry in check. The world can be a big scary place or a playground for learning. We will be smart and be safe.

“There are only two lasting bequests that we can hope to give our children. One of these is roots, the other, wings.”

Johann Wolfgang Von Goeth

Thank you for the roots to keep me grounded and the wings to let me fly.

MUCH LOVE TO YOU TODAY AND EVERYDAY.

 

 

NOTE TO SELF

I chose the word AGLOW a few years ago to describe who I would like to be.

AGLOW in all capacities. To be aware and give respect to all the thoughts and emotions regardless of the happiness, joy, sorrow, or frustration that they may hold. To be grateful for all of life’s experiences; good or bad. To embrace the moment and the sentiment(s) that it encompasses whole heartedly. To be curious and explore for a deeper meaning. For without embracing the experience fully, how can I learn and grow from it?

To radiate with a whole heart at all times.

No, I will not be successful and I will become unconscious often. I will stumble and even fall. But I will continually ask myself, how aglow are you? Its my trigger to come back to self and be grateful for all life’s’ experiences.

To embrace the now and be AGLOW. To illuminate with love and gratitude.

The following was what I wrote to myself at a time when I needed a boost. When life seemed hard and I was not at my best. I thought a little letter to self  would help in the healing. It did.

I love myself.

I love my spirit.

I love my mind.

I love my physical form.

I hold deep gratitude for the numerous years of daring opportunities.

THANK YOU for the intellectual, emotional and spiritual power to create everlasting relationships, a meaningful career and the ability to explore the world.

I have born two wonderful boys and continue to nurture them with love and compassion. I have loved unconditionally, created a lasting marriage and a connected community.

This body and spirit have and continue to take me on many adventures. Climb mountains, wade rivers, run, hike, surf, bike, ski powder, dance, row, skinny dip in alpine lakes, chase children, wrestle, love, tickle, walk, jump, meditate, and hug many.

I have and will continue to allow the space to be vulnerable, be strong, have courage, think, create, change, forgive, love, grieve, bleed, heal, scream, sing, cry and laugh.

Sure I am soft in some places, saggy in others. Dimply here and wrinkly there. Ache and creak on occasion. Forgetful, angry and frustrated at times. Not always on my best behaviour. I have been hurt and sadly have hurt others.

I still remain grateful for all of me. Each ache, each wrinkle, each grey hair holds a memory of what has been. Life’s inescapable suffering will stretch my spirit. Each time I step out of line, there is space for further growth. My beauty and strength hold the dreams of new adventures yet to be.

I love my body. I love my mind. I love my spirit.

I love my life. I love myself and all that I encompass. For without all of me, I would not be unique. I would not be me.

Press play and listen with your eyes closed. Better yet, dance with your eyes closed. Be inspired. Then sit and write, embracing all your treasures and your flaws with deep gratitude.

“EMBRACE THE GLORIOUS MESS THAT YOU ARE”  Elizabeth Gilbert