As pen meets paper
Shattering the clarity of white
My mind escapes me
Crumbling into reflections
Of what was or what is or will be
Clarity is not static
Confusion can reign
Open the mind and realize
Thoughts are nebulous
Feelings contain wisdom
Or is it the other way around?
Thoughts pour
Like liquid sunshine
Entire worlds
Held in each drop
Memories bursting
Into a million realities
When connecting with the
Delicate moments of now
A prayer for love
Brings a space of gratitude
Eases the anxiety
Like a flower petal
Falling gently
Releasing only beauty
That blankets the soul
photo by Patch.
As I cuddled my son in bed last night he asked me “will this be the last cuddle for awhile?” Broke my heart.
I dropped groceries off for the last time to my folks. My husband will taking over this duty. As I stood 10 feet away from my Mom and Dad and chatted with them I held back tears. I don’t know when I can hug them again. Or if I will.
I enter full back into the work force today. I do not know what it will look like for my family. Best case scenario I semi isolate myself to mitigate the spread to my family. They would be OK if they got this virus. But my husband is the connection to both our folks. I don’t want to risk it. Worst case scenario they or I move out. Yes – some of my colleagues have already made this extreme measure. They had to as their immediate loved ones are vulnerable. They became a nurse to serve others despite the risks.
Families of so many health care workers are sacrificing as well. Families of the cleaners, kitchen staff, first responders, grocery, pharmacy and other essential services. All are doing what they can at the expense of the physical and mental health of themselves and their loved ones. To serve.
Then I worry – how do I protect the people I see as a nurse? I will wash and wash and do everything I can to not be a vector. But it is not a perfect system in a not so perfect world. They are so very vulnerable.
As I move forward in this unprecedented time , as a mom, wife , daughter and nurse, I hold onto courage in the face of vulnerability and the unknown. I stand in a place of gratitude. For where I live, the beauty that surrounds me and the people who care enough to make the change happen to ease the pain that is about to enfold.
I believe there will be many pearls of wisdom from this time of unrest. Hold on – reach out – stay calm and stand unified. Together we will let this wash over – then find ourselves holding one another with the sun shining and the tides of grief and ebbs of love giving us the space to heal.
Blessings to all and Prayers of love.
Gentle dreams
That I cannot recall
Drift just far enough
In the space between realities
Heavy eye lids
Creative thoughts
Wait patiently
For the caffeine to hit its target
Waking the cells that insist on slumbering
I stand with integrity
Grounded in courage
Caressed by vulnerability
Owning my worthiness 
Vulnerability
Should be a choice
My own time and place
Not coming in like a storm
Of insults and anger
Undermining my wellbeing
With his warped believe of power
To become a target
Of such hostility and lies
Throwing his own insecurities
At me, unexpected and undeserved
For he has no capacity to see through his ego of darkness
To witness the lack of compassion for another
Creates moral injury
A direct result
of an angry man
Lost in his construed reality
I have been caught in a net
Of another’s own sad story
But I am strong and resilient
I am true and intelligent
I will wrap that net around me like a cloak
Of shimmering greens and blues
I will stand true
To myself
As a nurse, as a person
I gain strength in adversity
Vulnerability defined on my terms
Moving forward
Make change
Advocate
Bring justice
For a wrong that will ultimately
Only leave shadows on
An angry man’s face
aglow TO ILLUMINATE WITH LOVE & GRATITUDE 